Shattered
by wscaster
Summary: When someone cracks anothers life hangs in the balance. Will help arrive in time or has time run out? Who will be there to put the peices back together again......
1. Chapter 1

Fin and Munch raced towards the apartment building, hoping that it was a  
false alarm, but the fact that the phones went unanswered hung heavy.

The twenty minute drive was made in since that was broken only by the sound  
of their siren and the radio chatter that had dropped off to units calling in  
locations and ETA's. Munch reached over and cut the sirens as they got  
closer to their destination, but left the lights on to help clear the way.

"Suspect is on premises and armed, it's confirmed that this is a hostage  
situation. Requesting directions on how to proceed."

"Be advised that SVU are on their way and will take charge when they arrive  
on site. Hold for further instructions until they arrive."

There was a moment of silence before the radio came to life again.

"SVU mobile one, be advised that your Captain is now on his way to join you,  
you are to assess and take command until he arrives. Armed response is  
approximately 5 minutes from the location."

Munch reached for the radio and braced himself against the console as Fin  
manoeuvred to avoid a car that had decided to ignore the flashing lights.

"Acknowledged, be advised that we have arrived on scene. Mobile One out."  
Munch unbuckled his seatbelt launching himself onto the "safe" footpath.  
"Fucking morons think flashing lights mean that they should go, you'd think  
that they actually wait until they hear sirens or see the lights before they  
can go for a drive."

Fin slammed his door and fastened his flack jacket into place. "I'm just  
glad I was drivin', otherwise we'd be history now instead of bitchin about  
it." Fin approached the group of police that had gathered. "Ok tell us  
what's going on."

"We arrived on scene and approached Detective Benson's apartment as  
directed. We could hear people inside, but no one answered the door. After  
a couple of attempts one of her neighbours approached us. Mrs Alfonzi  
informed us that she was in her apartment and that she had company."

Fin nodded as he looked around, more police were arriving and approaching  
them. "I'll take them, you take the neighbour."

"Where's the neighbour now?" Munch asked as his partner walked off.

"She's in our squad car, we knew you'd want to talk to her."

Munch nodded again. "Ok o and join the others."

Fin checked his badge was displayed as he approached the uniforms that were  
gathering.

"Ok, first up we need to clear the fifth floor, as well as the on above and  
below. We'll set them up in the coffee shop that is just down the road."  
Fin said as he noted the people who were starting to stop to find out what  
was happening. "We know that Detective Benson is in apartment 5C and is  
with an armed person. We have to assume that she is being held against her  
will and may be injured as shots have been heard and Detective Benson has  
not responded to any attempts to contact her."

"Do we know who the person is?"

Fin shook his head. "Not officially. We need to get tithe building cleared  
quickly and quietly and keep the sight seers back."

Fin watched as the uniforms hurried off to do as directed, each wearing  
their flack jackets and their weapons close at hand. One thought kept going  
through his mind, Why her, why now?

He waited for his partner, occasionally giving an order, or guiding one of  
the civilians towards the coffee shop.

Munch lead and agitated Mrs Alfonzi from the squad car towards the coffee  
shop where Fin was directing the situation.

Her head pounded as sounds started to filter through her brain. She tried to  
move her hand to try and sooth some of the pain away, until she noticed that  
her hands were tied together behind her back.

No not tied, she realised, she was handcuffed and she was sitting.  
What's going on, she wondered, was anyone else here hurt? Was Elliot all  
right or was he being held here as well?

"It's about time."

Olivia groaned and tried to open her eyes, and immediately regretted it as the  
light sent spikes of pain into her already throbbing head.

"Oh come on now, your not going to let a couple of bumps and bruises from  
letting us have this talk. I know I've been looking forward to it for a long  
time."

She cracked her eyes again and recognised her surroundings, she was in her  
apartment, she had been home, relaxing when someone had knocked, no not  
someone...

"Kathy?"

"Well done." Kathy moved over to the window to look out again. She knew  
that they were out there, was surprised that it had taken them so long to  
arrive.

"Kathy think about what..."

Olivia stopped as she felt the butt of her gun hit her face again.

"Oh I've thought about it, and I know. I know that you've stolen my husband  
from me, poisoned him against me, worked away at him for so long that now  
he's taking my kids away as well. I can't let you do that you slut."

"Kathy" she pleaded, they had been going around in circles for what felt  
like days now trying to rationalise with her, but every time it looked like  
she was getting somewhere something happened and Kathy would go off again.

"Elliot love you, he has always been faithful. He loves you and your kids  
so much."

"Liar!" Kathy stopped pacing and stood in front of where she had Olivia  
cuffed. She pointed the gun at Olivia an squeezed on the trigger a little.  
"It was never enough for you was it?"

Olivia sighed, every part of her hurt, the only thing she was glad of was  
that no one else was here to get hurt.

"We are friends, partners, that's all, nothing ever happened between us. I  
would never let anything happen, I respect you both to much. He loves you  
to much to let anything happen Kathy,"

"You've taken everything from me and you still can't stop lying! You think  
I'm going to believe a word that comes from your whoring mouth?"

The phone rand and startled both of them. Kathy tensed her finger and the  
gun went off, Olivia cried out as the bullet tore through her shoulder, the  
recoil having thrown the shot off.

The pain was unbelievable, and she thanked whatever god there was that

Elliot and his kids weren't' here to witness this, she heard her answer  
machine kick in and then Cragen's voice asking for someone to answer,

"Go away." Kathy almost screamed down the line before slamming the phone  
again, and then started pacing again.

"Kathy, end this now, it doesn't have to go any further than this." Olivia  
ground out around the pain.

"Yeah sure, I'll just walk out there and say hi, how are you? Oh yeah and  
ops your golden girl a little bullet wound, but I didn't mean to do it."

Olivia tried to move to ease the strain the her shoulder was under. "I'll  
talk to them, tell them I had an accident, that you were helping me."

"Yeah sure, and then everyone will run in and everything will be fine. Face  
it bitch, I have nothing left to loose because of you, and everything to  
gain with you not being here any more."

As she watched she saw that her partners wife was loosing touch with reality,  
and that this was not going to end well. the phone rang again and this time  
Kathy didn't wait for the machine.

"Of course you'd ask about that whore, you don't ask if I'm all right, your  
all the same. " Kathy spat into the phone. "You don't believe me? Fine  
then hear for yourself."

Kathy shoved the phone in her direction and then kicked her. She pulled the  
phone away and listened for a moment. time was running out and she knew it,  
she ran through what the police would be doing now, trying to take her mind  
off the pain, but was brought back to the present when she heard Kathy's  
maniacal laugh.

"You can't get me anything I want. You can't give me my husband and  
children back, you can't turn back time and make this piece of shit not be a  
part of our lives. She has taken them all from me, poisoned them against  
me, and she even has all of you so called detectives fooled into thinking  
that she is innocent."

Olivia watched as Kathy hung up and then tore the cord from the wall. She  
closed her eyes and drew in her breath for one last attempt.

"If you don't talk to them they'll break the door down, you could get hurt.  
What will your children do if something happened to you?"

She watched as Kathy advanced then pulled her from where she sat, and knew  
that the Kathy that she had known was gone.

"Well they'll have to go through you first, whore, and since you don't think  
you can be hurt then I uses I'll be fine."

Then everything went haywire, time seemed to speed up and at the same time  
slow down. She saw her front door smash open and the armed men swarm into  
the room, behind them she could see John and Fin, she heard the commotion  
that was going on, but it made no sense to her, she felt Kathy move the gun  
so that it rested in her lower back and then there was simply mind numbing  
pain as she felt herself falling. Her shoulder still hurt, but now another  
pain was making itself felt in her stomach and another in her thigh. The  
room seemed to dim for a moment and then John as there talking to her and

Fin was on her other side. She could feel them pressing down, probably to  
stop the blood that she could feel starting to pool around her. Then the  
pain started to fade away, and the noise around her started to dim, she reached her  
hand out and touched Fin's arm and looked at John, saw the worry on both  
faces and felt a wave of sadness wash through her.

"S'rry" she wanted to talk, but it was hard, "Tell El...tried..." she took  
another shaky breath, "Tell El...love..."

She couldn't' go any further, everything faded away until there was nothing,  
her last thoughts were of Elliot, his kids and her family.

John watched as tactical advanced on the door, they had orders not to shoot  
unless necessary, but he had a bad feeling. One look at his partner told  
him that Fin felt the same thing. He wondered again how they had all missed  
what was going on, how had things gotten so out of control, he wondered how  
Elliot and the kids were holding up, and how far away they were.  
The door disintegrated and the tactical team flooded into the apartment.  
he and Fin eased in and moved in opposite directions, Kathy was behind  
Oliva, they could see that blood had soaked Olivia's shoulder as Kathy  
screamed at them to back off.

"We can't do that Ma'am, you need to release Detective Benson and come with  
us."

John saw the anger flash through Kathy's eyes, and he knew that there was  
no way this was going to end well

"I have a name and all you bastards care about is this lying whore." Kathy  
screamed, "My name is Katherine Stabler, and this whore is a liar and a  
thief, she doesn't deserve anything!"

John saw Fin edge around closer to them as he spoke up to keep Kathy's  
attention on him.

"Kathy, it's all right, Elliot's on his way, I'm sure we can work this out."

Kathy looked at hi, he thought that he was getting through to her but then  
he saw it, the last and sad look as she shook her head.

"There's only one way John, only one way to end this, she has to die John.

It's the only way to fix everything, can't you see that?"

Then all hell broke loose, he heard the shot that Kathy fired and then the  
tactical guys started shooting as well. It lasted no more than 30 seconds,  
then there was total silence as people started to move. He raced towards  
Olivia, only looking briefly at where Kathy lay as he knelt down next to  
Olivia. He could see at least 3 wounds that were bleeding freely, he tried  
to stop the bleeding as he yelled for a bus.

"You're gonna be fine Liv, just hang on a little longer." Fin said as he  
also tried to staunch he flow. he couldn't believe it, it wasn't supposed to  
happen to her, she had saved him once, it just wasn't supposed to happen  
this way.

"Stay with us here Liv, helps on the way." John said.

He watched as a peaceful expression passed across her face, watched as her  
hand touched his partners arm and her eyes focused on him. The he saw the  
sadness.

"Hold on Liv, just a bit longer," John said, he wanted to demand that the  
medics be there now.

"S'rry"

They could both see her struggle to talk, words half formed and slurred. He  
wanted to tell her not to talk, that she had to save her strength, but he  
couldn't get the words out.

"Tell ...El...tried..." She took a another shaky breath as if gathering all  
her strength, "Tell h'm...love..."

He felt his heart clench as her voice faded and her eyes closed.  
"Where's the damn bus!" Fin yelled.

"There coming up the stairs now," one of the tac guys said from near the  
door.

John looked over at his partner and saw his own emotions mirrored. He then  
looked over to Kathy. He could see the gun had been secured and he could  
also see that she was dead. The two tac guys that had shot were handing  
their weapons over as the scene played out, and all he could do was pray to  
a god he thought he'd given up on that this was all for nothing.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Thanks for the reviews. About the format of the first part, all I can say is sorry, but it was either put it up as it was or throw the whole computer and story out the nearest window. The story resisted being put up for others to read. Anyway thanks for the reviews and I hope that this is as good as the first part. As you can see this story has a long way to go.**

His wife was dead.

His children had lost their mother.

His partner was fighting for her life.

The doctors were trying to prepare them for the worst.

But he was hoping for a miracle.

Those that knew them were all worried about what would happen next.

The signs had been there, but nobody had seen them for what they really were at the time. Passing something off as just a bad day or mood. But hind sight was a wonderful tool that could twist and sometimes break a soul. It had a tendency to haunt a person throughout the rest of their lives.

Then after it was all done and nothing could be changed there was always one more question to ask that often had no answer.

The worst question that could be asked.

Why?

God, he wished that things had not come to this. Yes it was true that he and Kathy were divorced. The final decree had been signed, sealed and delivered not two days before his world crashed and burned and his time in hell began.

He chuckled at that, then looked around the room to make sure that he hadn't woken anyone. But Maureen was still sleeping on the couch in the room, and the only other person there was in a coma.

Hell.

Yep.

He'd grown up a good catholic boy, had gone to church every Sunday when he could, and had the good old christen values drummed into him. One of the biggies, divorce was a sin. And boy how he'd blown that one to hell and back. But it hadn't been him who had demanded the divorce, hell he'd tried to fix his marriage, but some things just can't be fixed.

Olivia had been there for him through it all, as a friend, a sounding board, to help clean up his messes, and to help him heal. She was a wonderful person, who deserved all the good that the world had to offer. But it always seemed to miss her, and the crap always seemed to find her instead.

An now this.

He stood and stretched, hearing his back cracking back into place, then walked over to his daughter. He crouched down to pick up the blanket she had kicked off, and smoothed some hair off of her face. She was his princess, and god how he loved her. Just one smile for her or any of his kids could make the worst days better. He gently tucked the blanket around her and placed a tender kiss on her forehead. This was the longest that she had slept in over a week without waking up screaming, and for that he was glad.

He paced around the room to relieve his muscles, but nothing could stop his mind from running.

All they could do now was wait.

And the waiting was killing them all slowly.

They had waited to hear what had happened as they sped back from their retreat.

They had waited to hear any news about what had happened when they found out that Kathy had gone after Olivia.

They had waited to hear what had happened in the apartment.

Then the waiting had really begun. They waited at the hospital to identify Kathy's body, to hear if the shoot had been cleared, if Olivia would make it to the hospital in time, and then while she had been treated in the ER. Then it had been upstairs to wait in the surgical ward while the doctors frantically tried to save her life. The wait to hear if she made it through the surgery, and then the wait to see if she would wake up from the anaesthetic. Then the news that she was in a coma, and still may not make it had nearly broken them all.

They had all been there, Cragen, Munch and Fin had stood together, close to where he had stood, surrounded by his kids. His parents and the rest of his family had arrived soon after they had taken Olivia up to theatre, and soon after that Kathy's parents and her brothers family had also arrived. They had made an unusual group, others had drifted through to try and find out the latest, but any who weren't there for Olivia soon left them alone and went to another room to wait for news on their loved ones.

It had been almost surreal to him. They were all in various states of shock, trying to make sense of what had happened but there was no sense to be made. He wasn't sure how Kathy's parents would react to him now that their daughter was dead, he'd been surprised at how they had stood by him when Kathy had demanded the divorce, and how both sides of the family had banded together to help them all. It had been a hard time, but they had made it a little easier by making sure that he knew that they still loved him, even if Kathy didn't. He was still their second son and nothing would change that. But Kathy had still been alive then. It wasn't until the funeral that he realised how lucky he and his children really were. Both his parents and Kathy's had banded together to help him and the kids adjust, making sure that they all had what they needed, that they ate properly, and not just them but also Cragen, Munch and Fin, his extended family.

A small smile passed across his face as he remembered it. That this tragedy, no matter how heart breaking it was, had made a stronger family out of them, and his extended family. They had all taken it in turns in keeping a vigil over Olivia as she fought. Keeping fresh food coming in regularly, offering rides for those who needed to go home and sleep, and always having at least one person at home to keep the place going for the rest of them.

But this nightmare would continue until they knew what the fates had in stall for Olivia.

Would they finally have something to hold onto, to help them heal some of the hurt they were all feeling, or would they have to struggle through yet another funeral for someone that they all loved.

Only two people knew exactly what had happened in Olivia's apartment. One would never speak again, and the other couldn't tell them either. They had spent hours sitting in the hospital room, or waiting rooms trying to piece together what had happened. Looking back it had taken months to build to this point, going back to when Kathy and he were having problems. When he had moved out of the house things had gotten worse, but Kathy had been able to fool most people into believing that everything was fine. But little things would send her into a rage, and then it progressed into her not believing other people, and almost interrogating the kids about where they were and what they were doing. She'd even gone so far as to follow them to try and catch them out.

This had gone on for months before they had come to him asking if they could live with him instead of their mother. He had tried to find out why they all wanted to live with him, but they hadn't wanted to tell him. He'd decided to take them away for a couple of weeks and talk to them, find out what the problem had been and if there was anything he could do. It wasn't that he didn't want them to live with him, far from it, but his work hours were long and often irregular, whereas Kathy could be there for them more, or so he had thought.

They had set off the morning before the shooting, and if things had of gone to plan then they would only have gotten back to the city yesterday.

How plans can change.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Ok so this chapter may seem to prattle on a little, but the characters wanted to have their say, to let you know what's going on. I tried to rewrite it a couple of times but they just didn't want to play it any other way. Thanks for those who have already sent a review...I really really appreciate it! But for those who haven't feel free to let me know if you think I should keep this going. There is a long way for this story possibly series to go.**

**Again, thanks for the support, without it the story goes no further :o)**

It's been two weeks since I got the call that changed everything that we've come to know.

Two long weeks of waiting and hoping.

At times I have thought that this had to be some kind of nightmare and Olivia wouldn't be in a coma, fighting for her life, that Elliot and his family were not mourning the lose of a wife and mother, that they all wouldn't in this nightmare of being helpless.

Don leaned back in the arm chair he was sitting in. Elizabeth had crawled into his lap an hour ago after waking up from a nightmare, he continued to gently rock her back to sleep, hoping that for her, for the time being that she would be able to have a dreamless sleep. Elliot's parents had retired to bed a couple of hours ago, but he'd said that he'd wait up until Elliot returned home.

So much had happened since that one phone call, and so much more was still happening, but one good thing had come out of this tragedy. His "family" had become tighter, and stronger. And now his family had been absorbed into a larger family that comprised of both Elliot's and Kathy's families.

He'd been wary when Kathy's parents, and then her brother and sister had arrived at the hospital that morning. He had no idea how they would react when they found out the details of what had happened.

He smiled as he remembered what had happened.

When Elliot had arrived at the hospital soon after Kathy's family had been told he had half expected them to turn on Elliot, but when they had seen their ex-son-in-law and his children arrive they had enveloped them all and had remained by their side, working together with the rest of Elliot's family to help them.

He'd been surprised when soon after they had reassured Elliot that they were there for him and his children they had all turned their attention to Munch, Fin and himself, making sure that they all realised that they to were considered part of their family, even though this was technically the first time that they had all officially met.

Lizzie snuggled closer seeking comfort that he was more than willing to give, and also receive.

He looked around the room that was filling with boxes of stuff that had been packed up. Elliot and his kids had sat down after Kathy's funeral and discussed what they were going to do. The kids had been adamant that they didn't want to live in this house anymore, apparently the last year had been harder on them than anyone had realised, and they all agreed that they wanted to move to a new home and make a fresh start.

That had been the easy part. They had no worries about money, and had put the house in Queens and Elliot's apartment up for sale the next day.

A new house had been found in a couple of days with the help of their relator. It was closer to the city but still close enough to where their house in Queens was that the kids wouldn't have to change schools or loose contact with their friends. The kids loved the new place, as did Elliot, but the cloud that was Olivia's future still hung over everyone's head, dampening the joy. But everyone had been working together to pack everything up for the move.

He'd been lucky in that the sex crimes in New York seemed to have slowed down in the past two weeks, and his squad had everything in hand, Munch and Fin had taken the couple of bigger cases that had cropped up, while his other, newer, detectives had been able to handle the lesser cases.

He was starting to doze off when he was woken by the phone.

Two weeks.

Two weeks of sitting here, talking to her, taking care of his children, and then on top of that selling up and getting ready to move. He always seemed to be going somewhere, doing something.

Time seemed to speed by but at the same time it seemed to stand still.

He felt a tear track down his face as he watched Olivia lying there on the cold hospital bed, with the breathing tube still down her throat to help her breath. And his heart broke all over again.

"Come on Liv, you must have had enough sleep by now." He said as he gently caressed her hand. "It's time to wake up, there's so much that I haven't told you yet."

He silently watched as the machine breathed for her. The noises of the hospital were comforting in their familiarity and rhythm. He listened to the steady beeps of the machines that were monitoring her life, and he felt another tear fall. He hated the looks that the doctors and nurses shared when they thought that he wasn't looking. The looks that he and his family had all seen and refused to acknowledge. They had to be wrong, she was stronger than that, they were not going to loose her to.

"We can't loose you Liv, I can't loose you." He brought her hand to his face as he began to quietly sob. He hadn't wanted anyone to see how truly scared he was that he would loose her, but here, in her ICU room, alone with her he could finally let it out. "Don't leave me Liv, I need you, I love you."

He let himself grieve for Kathy, and he prayed Olivia, and cursed himself for not telling her how much she meant to him before.

It took him a while to realise that something was different, and even longer to realise just what it was that was different.

"Liv?"

It took a moment, but he felt it again, a gentle squeeze of his hand. It was then that he noticed that the steady rhythmic beeping that had not changed much over the past two weeks was beginning beep faster. He stood up and leaned over her bed, looking for a sign that he wasn't imagining it.

"Come on baby, I need you to wake up" Elliot said as he smoothed her hair back from her face. "I need you to show these doctors that they aren't always right."

He felt her squeeze his hand that was still holding hers, and he knew that she was coming back to them, to him.

Then alarms started sounding from the monitors and he felt her tense up, as she struggled to breath past the tube down her throat, to open her eyes as the panic and awareness flashed through her, and he knew he had to calm her down or the first thing that the doctors would do would be to sedate her.

"Hey, it's all right Liv, don't fight it. You have a tube down throat to help you breath, it's ok." He said, he didn't bother to press the call button, he knew that the nurses station would have heard the alarms and be on their way. So he concentrated on soothing her, trying to calm her down. He leaned closer to her, to whisper in her ear, as he continued to stroke her hair. "It's ok Liv, you're safe. Shhh, it's ok."

Olivia had never felt so peaceful.

But something was pulling at her.

No not something.

Someone.

She tried to concentrate. To figure out why she felt she had to leave this peaceful place. Then it came to her.

Elliot.

She concentrated harder, and she swore that she could hear him.

Was he crying?

No not Elliot. He didn't show that side of himself around people.

But he was, she could hear him, as quiet as he was. And she could feel him holding her hand.

She knew the feel of his hands. The feel of his touch, always to fleeting and to rare. But why was he crying?

"We can't loose you Liv, I can't loose you."

We? We who? She wasn't that important, her leaving wouldn't effect anyone…..would it? She tried to think who he'd been talking about, then his words sank in, he couldn't loose her? She wanted to tell him that she wasn't going anywhere. But she couldn't.

"Don't leave me Liv, I need you, I love you."

Oh god! He sounded so desperate, so sad. She had to let him know that she'd heard him, that she was fighting to get back to him. She didn't want him to hurt. She concentrated harder. If she couldn't talk to him what could she do? Then it came to her, she could feel him holding her hand, all she had to do was to squeeze his hand, he'd know that she was there then.

Sounds simple.

Yeah right, so why was it proving to be so hard?

She concentrated on trying to squeeze his hand. God how hard was it to squeeze a hand?

Then she did it, and she felt a rush of pleasure. She had done it!

She listened. Waited.

"Liv?"

Oh god, his voice hadn't ever sounded so good. She could hear the hope in his voice.

"Come on baby, I need you to wake up"

She could feel his breath on her face as he whispered to her, could feel his hand on her head.

"I need you to show these doctors that they aren't always right."

So she tried to squeeze his hand again, and again it was hard, but with a lot of effort and concentration she squeezed his hand again.

And that was when she realised that she couldn't breathe.

Oh god! She felt the panic rise through her as she fought to breath, something was stopping her, but then she heard his voice again. She tried to concentrate on what he was saying to her, to the soothing tone of his voice. He wouldn't let anything happen to her. He was always there to make sure that she was all right, she had to listen to what he was saying to her. But by god she was scared, no more than scared, terrified.

"Hey, it's all right Liv, don't fight it. You have a tube down throat to help you breath, it's ok."

A tube? Why did she have anything down her throat, what had happened, why was she in so much pain? Oh god what had happened to her? What was that noise? Alarms? Was this just a nightmare that she had to wake up from? That had to be it, just a nightmare. But if it was why did Elliot sound so real, the pain feel so real, and why did Elliot feel so real. Yes she had dreamed about him before, but even in her wildest most vivid dreams he'd never been this real. Something wasn't right. Oh god, what was going on?

"It's ok Liv, you're safe. Shhh, it's ok."

Ok so if she concentrated a little harder on Elliot maybe she'd be able to make more sense out of this. God he sounded so good, tired, and what was that….Was it relief she could hear in his voice? But he was here, she could feel him, his breath on her face, one of his hands holding hers, and his other wonderful hand was stroking her head, comforting her.

Whatever had happened it couldn't have been good…….


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Sorry about the delay in updating this story, but this chapter didn't want to write itself, so here we are 4 rewrites and numerous attempts at writing it and I've finally just said to heck with it and posted it. Hopefully the next chapter won't give me as many headaches :o)**

**As always please Read and Review!**

Olivia stirred as she heard voices, only talking quietly so that they wouldn't wake her but it had been enough. Besides she'd done enough sleeping to last her a life time, but it didn't take much to tire her out, and she was sick of it. She just wanted things back to normal. Wanted to fill the blanks that filled her memory for the days leading up to the shooting. She knew that there had been a shooting, that was why she was currently laying in this hospital bed, frustrated, in pain and wondering what she'd have to do to get someone to answer her questions about what had happened.

Sure she'd been questioned by IAB about what had happened, and they hadn't been happy when she hadn't been able to help them at all, the doctors had finally thrown them out saying that they were causing more damage and that they wouldn't allow it.

Even without her input into what had happened the case had been closed and everyone involved had been cleared. That news she'd found out by accident from Munch when he and Fin had visited her a couple of days ago.

But still no one would fill in the blanks for her.

She listened quietly for a couple of minutes, trying to figure out who was talking and hoping that they may say something thinking that she was still asleep, but when she realised that it was Don talking to one of the nurses.

She moved trying to ease the pain that lack of movement and her wounds combined to give her. She tried to stop the groan, but failed.

"Liv?"

Olivia opened her eyes, Don had materialised above her bed, his face filled with concern, and she smiled.

"Hey."

Don helped her to sit up a little. It had been over 3 weeks since she'd been shot, and about a week since she had woken up in the ICU with Elliot by her side.

"How long you been here?"

Don handed her a cup of water.

"Not long, just wanted to see how you were doing. I talked to your doctor when I got here, she said that if you keep getting better you should be able to leave in about a week."

She laughed, "Yea, she used it as a threat to make sure that I didn't object too much to the physio earlier."

Don laughed, it was good to see her smile. Good just to be able to see her alive. He'd only been that scared of loosing someone before, his wife. Even before she'd passed away she'd joked that his detectives were like his family, and she had even admitted that they held a special place in her own heart, especially Elliot and Olivia. He reached over and gently held Olivia's hand, just to reassure himself, that she was indeed alive and awake and talking with him.

"I bet she did." He smiled again. "So what have you been up to today?"

"The usual, sleep mainly, mixed with the usual visitors, physio, doctors visits and more sleep."

Olivia handed the glass back to Don, he seemed to be more relaxed today, and for that she was glad. They had all been looking stressed, Elliot, Munch, Fin and Don, and even Elliot's kids when they had visited had looked sadder than they should. It had surprised her how often the kids had visited, both with Elliot and alone.

"Can I ask you something?"

Don took a deep breath before looking Olivia in the eye.

"Maureen came to see me yesterday," Olivia began, and she couldn't help but notice the look of relief that flashed over his face, "and I was kind of worried, she should have been at school. When I asked her why she wasn't she sort of changed the subject and said that she had it covered."

Don nodded.

"I know something has happened, but I can't see Elliot being alright with Maureen skipping school, and I'm sure that Kathy would hate knowing she was missing school to visit me. What's happened? I didn't say anything to El, cause I didn't want him to get mad or get Maureen in trouble…I enjoyed her visit, but I'm worried."

Don sighed and rubbed both hands over his face. The relief that he had felt when she had started talking soon disappeared when he realised where this was heading. And he knew that it was him that was going to have to be the bearer of the bad news.

"Liv, we don't have to do this now, just know that Elliot knows that the kids aren't at school at the moment and leave it at that."

"Elliot knows…..what about Kathy? Them?"

"Damn." He stood up and moved to the window, gathering his thoughts. "I'm not going to get out of this am I?"

"Please tell me what's going on. What's the big secret that I'm not supposed to know?"

Don had been wondering how little he'd be able to get away with telling her, but hearing the pleading in her voice, and seeing the lost look on her face he knew that he had to tell her everything, no matter how much he didn't want to.

"Do you remember Elliot taking some time off to take the kids away for a week?"

Olivia pushed herself to remember, and though she couldn't get all the details to come to her she was able to recall that he had taken some time off.

"His kids had come to him to ask if they could live with him, they couldn't live with Kathy any longer. At that time he didn't know, none of us knew, just how bad things had gotten. Elliot was going to take the kids on a holiday, to talk to them, try and help sooth things over, find out what was going on that they didn't want to live in their home anymore."

Don came back to sit next to the bed, he wanted to be close in case the news was too much for her. He settled himself in and told her the full story, or as much as they had been able to piece together, from the kids, and those who had been involved in the final take down of Kathy in Olivia's apartment.

Olivia had let him tell the story of the shooting, only asking questions here and there, and then when he had finished he had held her as she cried about all she had heard, and for the memories that she still could not remember. Don sat with her and held her until she had cried herself to sleep, and then had stayed a little longer to make sure that her dreams were not disturbed more than usual with the nightmares that plagued her. He found his heart breaking for her and again for Elliot and his kids.


	5. Chapter 5

She lay there looking blankly at the small window of her hospital room, mind busy going over what Don had told her the night before. Her emotions overwhelmed her at times and she found herself unable to hold back the tears and at other times the anger that swamped her.

Her lunch was sitting on her table, untouched as had her breakfast before that, she had no appetite.

She had refused to do her physio earlier, which had brought her doctor in to see her, concerned about her refusal to do her exercises, and not eating. But Olivia had ignored them all.

John and Fin had been in to visit, before her lunch had been delivered, and while she hadn't ignored them as she had the hospital staff, she hadn't been able to look them in the eye either, sure she had answered them when they talked to her, but she hadn't started any conversations either, and eventually they had left her alone.

They had been in the room where Elliot's wife had died, had been there apparently to help save her life. But now she was wondering if it had been worth it. How could they not look at her differently, knowing that Elliot's wife was dead because of her. Sure Don had told her that it wasn't her fault, but that didn't change the outcome one bit. Cathy was dead and she was alive.

Since Don had told her what he knew, what the investigators had found, things had been coming back to her, sometimes in flashes that were to quick to catch hold of, other times with such force that it was like she was living it all over again. But still parts were missing.

The one thing that she did know for certain, that she had known when it was happening at the time, and again now, was that she would have given anything, done anything to help Cathy, after all she was the one who had everything to live for. A loving family, beautiful kids, families, a career that she could talk to others about. Things that Olivia had always dreamed of having herself, but had long since given up on. Kathy had children that loved and needed her, and Elliot who loved and needed her, sure they had gotten a divorce, but people sometimes got back together after divorces, and it wasn't like Elliot had wanted to get divorced in the first place, all Cathy had to do was to tell Elliot that she still loved him and wanted him back. She had been willing to be Cathy's punching bag for a couple of hours, she wouldn't have told anyone about it, if that have helped.

She knew that she had tried talking to Cathy, to make her see what she had, that she hadn't lost anything, but nothing seemed to calm the other woman down.

She remembered offering to leave SVU or even New York if Cathy wanted her to, but that had only seemed to make Cathy angrier still.

She felt the tears streaming down her face again, felt the helplessness that had had swamped her that day in her apartment wash over her again, but she made no move to wipe the tears from her face again. She knew that they'd only be replaced by more.

God.

Her mother had been right.

She caused nothing but trouble.

Everything that she touched turned bad.

And not for the first time in her life, she wondered why her mother had had her. Nothing good ever came from rape, so why keep the result of a rape.

Wouldn't everyone have been better off if she had never been born?

And what about Elliot and his kids? How could they stand to look at her knowing that she was the reason that Cathy was dead? Was Elliot just waiting until she was stronger before he told her how he blamed her for everything? She wouldn't blame him if he did.

Now that she knew more about what had happened would his kids tell her how they really felt about her? Were they waiting for her to tell everyone what exactly had happened in her apartment? Had they just been pretending to be happy that she was alive?

Olivia closed her eyes as she felt an empty void swallow her.

That had to be it, they were simply waiting for her, for her to fill in the last hours of their wife and mother's life so that they could finally move on. They had been waiting for her to remember.

She almost had it all now.

Just a few more blanks to fill.

Then she could give them all what they wanted, needed, so that they could begin healing, so that they could go on with their lives.

She felt an old familiar feeling creep over her now, one that she hadn't felt for years, since she had joined SVU to be more exact, a feeling that she had almost forgotten. How cold it felt.

But it was something that she should never have forgotten about, maybe even something that she had no right to have stopped feeling in the first place.

She felt alone.

Empty.

And if she was being totally honest with herself, she felt that it should have been her who had died that day and not Cathy.

And with that thought the last blank spaces in her memory had clicked back into place.

She remembered.

Everything.

And knew that nothing that she had done, or could have done would have made any difference.

She pulled herself up painfully into a sitting position and reached over to her bedside draw and pulled out the business card of the detectives who had been investigating Cathy's case. Then she reached for the phone.

It was time for her to fill in the final details that were needed to fully close the case.

Her heart ached.

For all that had been lost.

And she dialled the number.


	6. Chapter 6

AN: Sorry about the delay again, but I've rewritten this chapter a couple of times now, the other versions just didn't sit right with me, but this one seems to have written itself so that's a good sign to me that it's the right one. Let me know what you think:o)

Oh yeah and thanks to all of you that have submitted a review, you don't know how much they mean to me :oD

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He reached over and gently smoothed her hair back.

And felt his heart breaking again.

He knew that it would be hard when she remembered what happened, but he had hoped that it wouldn't be so bad. But from what Don, Munch and Fin had told him and then her doctors he was scared for her.

For all of them.

If this proved to be to much for her to cope with, then he didn't know what he and his kids were going to do. They couldn't handle another loose like that so soon.

He didn't know when she had crawled in under his walls and made herself at home in his heart, but know that he knew that she was there, and just how much she meant to him, he wasn't about to let her go without the fight of his life.

Olivia stirred in her sleep and moved into his gentle touch, seeking the warmth and the safety he provided to her without even trying.

He'd been in a couple of times during the day to see how she was doing, but she had been asleep each time so he hadn't been able to talk to her, but when he had arrived her doctors had asked to see him. They knew that Don had had to tell her what had happened to her, and they were worried about the way that she was handling this new information. She had shut just about everyone down who had gone in to help her, be it with her physio to the orderlies who delivered her food, though she had spoken to Munch and Fin even they had noticed a difference in her. Her doctors were worried that if she kept this up for much longer then she would be putting herself at risk. Her body was so weakened by what had happened it wouldn't take much to set her recovery back weeks.

He felt a tear slip down his cheek as he watched her sleep, her doctor had told him that he had had to sedate her not to long ago and she would probably sleep through the rest of the night. Apparently one of the nurses had tried a little to hard to get Olivia to do some of her exercises and then to eat that Olivia had become agitated, again risking her recovery. The nurse had since been sent to another ward for the remainder of the night. She was young and eager and had thought that she was doing the right thing.

Elliot chuckled softly as he remembered running into the young woman on his way in, he had only just finished talking to the doctor when she shyly approached looking like someone had just killed her puppy. He had reassured her that she hadn't done anything to wrong, and that Olivia could be rather difficult to deal with at times, even on a good day.

And today had apparently not been a good day.

He reached out and gathered up her hand and continued to stroke her hair with his other. She was laying on her side, the side where there was less damage, in one of the few positions that she could lay in without to much pain.

He hated seeing what Cathy had done to her, and he felt his anger at his ex-wife and himself well up in him again.

He should have seen the warning signs that something was wrong.

He should have been able to stop this from happening to Olivia.

He should have been able to stop her from having to suffer from this pain.

But he hadn't seen the signs and he hadn't stopped Cathy and now all he could do was wait, and hold her hand, and try and hold his family together.

His family.

God he was lucky to have his family.

He had been blessed with four fantastic kids, who had proved to him every minute of every day of the past 4 weeks just how wonderful they truly were. They had been amazing, helping each other with their grief, then the move, and the waiting. The only arguments he'd heard from any of them lately had been about who would get to visit Olivia and when.

Then there was Cathy's parents and her brother and sister and their own families. He'd been a little worried about how they would handle this. But he shouldn't have been, and after talking to her parents at the funeral he'd understood that they to felt responsible for what had happened to Olivia. That they to felt to blame for not seeing the warning signs that their daughter and sister had needed their help.

His parents, and brothers and sisters had been unbelievable with their unwavering help with everything from bringing food and stuff to the hospital, to playing taxi to those who wanted to visit, to banding together with Cathy's family in helping him keep his family together, and when he said family he wasn't just talking about his kids.

His families had all banded together with the sole purpose of helping each other through this, and making sure that Olivia would pull through as well. And now their strength was going to be tested, because Olivia needed them all now more than ever. She'd never had a proper family before, didn't know the close bonds that families formed to help each other in times of need. She'd only seen it from the outside while growing up, but since she'd joined SVU she'd slowly begun to realise what family should be.

And now she'd go from being an only child of an abusive alcoholic to having five parental figures worrying over her, along with all the other family members that came with that, and then there was Elliot, and his kids.

God he loved her.

Hadn't really realised just how much until recently, when he'd almost lost her.

And now he was faced with loosing her again.

Olivia started to stir in her sleep again, only this time he could tell that it was the start of a nightmare.

He leaned closer to her and kissed her forehead before whispering to her, soothing her.

"Shh baby, it's ok, your safe Liv." He continued to smooth her hair back and gently rub her hand. "No one is going to hurt you baby. It's ok, I'm not going to let anyone else hurt you."

After a few moments she settled down again, back into a deep and restful sleep that she so desperately needed.

He never forgot the first time he'd seen her having a nightmare, it had been early on in their partnership and it had been their turn to catch twenty minutes in the crib. He'd been lightly dozing, dreaming about his kids when he heard her start thrashing around. When he'd heard her call out he'd been instantly awake and by her side in a second. It had taken him a few minutes to wake her from that nightmare, but once he did she had shared a little about her past, and he'd learned about some of the demons that constantly haunt her.

He'd been unprepared for some of the things that he learned that night, but it had been the start of a very strong partnership, which had continued to grow over the past few years.

One night when she'd slept at his place after a hard case, she'd had a nightmare which had woken not only him but Kathleen as well. The nightmare had been a bad one, and Olivia hadn't woken up fully. After the worst of the nightmare had passed and he had noticed that Kathleen was standing there watching he had tried to hustle her back to bed, only to be told by Kathleen that she was going to sleep with her Livia, cause she needed someone to watch over her while she slept.

His heart had melted that night as he stood in the doorway watching Kathleen climb into bed and hug Olivia, protecting her from the bad dreams, and then promptly fell asleep herself.

Olivia had been a little surprised to find Kathleen cuddling her the next morning, and when she had asked Elliot what had happened he'd just shrugged and said that she sometimes did that.

It hadn't been a total lie, Kathleen would often climb into bed with him and Cathy when she'd had a bad dream, never bothering to wake either of them, just quietly climbing into bed and seeking the comfort of her parents. She hadn't thought twice about offering that same comfort to someone she loved who she thought needed it.

He found himself drifting off to sleep thinking about all the times they had all spent together.

"Love you Liv…" he whispered before sleep finally claimed him.

Olivia slowly woke up, her head felt a little fuzzy, and someone was holding her hand.

She opened her eyes a little and saw Elliot asleep with his head on the side of her bed.

God he looks cute.

She looked around the room.

There was something that she needed to remember.

Something important.

Something that she felt wasn't right.

Then it hit her.

Again.

Cathy was dead.

And it was because of her.

She looked down at Elliot again and felt her stomach roll, and her heart clench. He must hate her so much. She was the reason that his wife was dead. Her. How could he bare to be in the same room as her, how could he bare to touch her no less hold her hand so gently? His family had been ripped apart because of her, and yet he was here, sleeping at her bedside holding her hand.

Why?

She slid her hand from his and turned away from him as the emotions over took her again. God she hated this, it would be so much better if she'd never been born.

She heard him wake up and stretch, but she couldn't look at him. Now that she knew what happened, and he knew she knew, it was too much. He'd have no reason to hide his true feelings now. The hate he must be feeling. And she couldn't bare to see the hate in his eyes directed at her. She loved him to much to be able to handle seeing that from him. She'd rather be dead any day than have to face that.

"Liv?"

She wouldn't face him, couldn't.

Couldn't hold back the sobs that racked her body at the sound of his voice, so full of concern.

"Liv, look at me."

She felt his had on her shoulder.

"Do you want me to get a doctor? Are you in pain?"

Still she couldn't look at him.

Elliot felt the panic start to rise in him. He'd known when she woke up, and then when she took her hand away he'd decided it was time for him to wake. But now she wouldn't talk to him, wouldn't look at him, and she seemed to be crying. He didn't know what to do. He wanted to hold her, hug her, let her cry on his shoulder, but at the same time he was scared that if he did he'd only hurt her.

"Please baby, look at me, tell me what you need?" He moved around to the other side of the bed, not being able to see her face was almost killing him. He crouched down beside her bed and reached out tentatively to her. "Come on, talk to me Liv, please. You're scaring me."

She shook her head.

How could be scared for her? How could he even care about what happened to her, after what had happened. The feel of his hand on her shoulder broke her, she could never deny him anything he requested.

"W-why?" She sobbed.

Elliot looked at her for a moment, his heart breaking for the hundredth time as he saw the pain in her eyes, not just physical pain, but emotional.

"Why what baby?"

She reached up and brushed away some of the tears that washed her face. There was no hate in his eyes, only concern, and what was that?

Love?

No, it couldn't be, his wife was dead because of her, no one could love her, her mother had taught her that lesson when she was still little.

"H-how can you not hate m-m-me.?"

He looked at her confused for a moment, trying to figure out where her mind had taken her, then it clicked into place for him. She was blaming herself for what had happened. God. She'd been the victim in this whole thing, and she was blaming herself!

He couldn't stop himself, he gathered her up gently into a hug, holding her close and revelling in the fact that she was still alive, that he could still hold her.

"I could never hate you Liv, you're not to blame for any of what happened." He whispered into her ear, then gently kissed her hair. "This is not your fault, Cathy was sick and you were the one to pay for that sickness."

Olivia shook her head.

"It's not your fault baby, no one blames you."

She wanted to believe him, wanted to trust the warmth in his voice. Him holding her like this felt so right, but that didn't change what happened. She tried to pull away but she felt his arms tighten around her.

"Shhhh, it's not your fault Liv." He buried his face in her hair as he spoke to her, praying that she would believe him, trust him enough to let him help her. "No one blames you, we're all worried about you. We need you Liv."

She shook her head again, trying to deny what he was saying, but he wasn't letting her go, wasn't letting her retreat, to hide.

He felt her protests getting weaker.

"We need you Liv, we all love you." He gently rubbed her back as he felt her starting to relax into his arms, "I love you, please don't shut us out, don't shut me out. I can't loose you."


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: Again I'm sorry for the delay in posting this, but I kept on changing it as it just didn't seem to flow proplery. Hopefully that is all fixed now and the story has moved on!**

**All reviews very welcomed, and thanks for all of those who have already sent a review. You make my day everytime you take a moment to reply.**

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Elliot lay watching Olivia as she slept peacefully in his arms. She had cried herself to sleep a couple of hours ago as he had tried to comfort her and convince her that she hadn't been responsible for what had happened. How successful he had been with that he still wasn't at all sure of. At least she had eventually stopped fighting him and let him hold her. For the little that he had been able to do for her he was grateful.

He regretfully looked at his watched and sighed as he saw the time. He'd have to get going soon, even though he would have loved to be able to stay right where he was, holding her in his arms as she slept.

Olivia felt exhausted, both physically ad emotionally. But for some reason she also felt incredibly warm and safe. She could hear the steady beating of Elliot's heart as he held her, felt his breath ruffle her hair and his hands gently caressed her back.

He'd made it clear to her that he wasn't going to leave her, or let her take the blame for what happened to Kathy no matter how much she had believed, and still did, that she deserved it. She still felt guilty that she was here and Cathy wasn't. Cathy who had her children and her family and Elliot to live for and care for. When what did Olivia have? Certainly not anyone who relied on her, no children, no family, no one to love her. All she had was her job and a handful of friends.

She felt Elliot move and then sigh, she couldn't help but tense a little, thinking that this was it, he would finally tell her what she had been dreading for the past day.

"Liv?"

He'd felt her tense up as he'd sighed and knew that she was somewhat awake. He feared that she'd freak out, or shut him out. He couldn't bare that, not now, not ever.

Olivia didn't want to answer, didn't want to hear the words from him, she hoped that if she kept still enough, kept her eyes closed, pretended long enough, that she could keep the illusion of Elliot caring for her just that bit longer. She feared that when she opened her eyes the security and warmth that she felt in the moment before would be forever gone, beyond her reach.

"What's the matter Liv? Are you in pain? Do you want me to get the nurse for you?"

The longer that she refused to answer him the more concerned he became, he sat up a little, still holding her, stroking her, trying to draw her out to him again. He had to find out what had scared her or hurt her, he had to try and make it better somehow.

"Come on Livia, please, tell me what's wrong."

She shook her head, he sounded worried.

No not worried.

Scared.

She opened her eyes and glanced up at him. She could see the fear in his face, fear for her. After all that he had lost he was still scared for her?

She moved to pull herself away from him and sit up a little and gasped as pain ripped through her stomach and shoulder. She squeezed her eyes closed and took quick shallow breaths while trying to get the pain under control a little. It took a few moments but as the pain receded she became aware of Elliot massaging her shoulder and back in an effort to help ease her pain.

"Take it easy Liv, that's it, just relax,"

She eased back onto the pillows.

Elliot smoothed back her hair as she settled back into her bed, god she'd scared him just then.

"Sorry."

Elliot sighed, he wasn't sure what she was trying to apologize for, but as far as he was concerned she had nothing to apologize for. She was alive, and for him, and the kids, that was enough. God he wanted to hold her again, but feared that she may freak out on him, and besides he had to go soon.

"Liv, you don't have to apologize. Tell me what's wrong. Please?"

She looked at him, his blue eyes searching for an answer, worried that he'd done something wrong. She felt the tears well in her eyes again and looked away. Maybe Cathy had been right, maybe she had been stealing Elliot away from his wife and his family.

"Nothing, really."

He watched her for a moment, his heart breaking as he watched the emotions play, so close to the surface because of all that had happened and all of the drugs that they had her on to help her heal. He wished that he could stay, hold her until she fell asleep again. He gently smoothed her hair back and waited for her to look at him again before he spoke.

"It wasn't nothing Liv, if something is wrong, please tell me. I want to help. But if you don't feel comfortable telling me what the problem is at least let me get someone else to help you."

He felt his heart shatter as she looked at him, she looked so lost. He knew that the fight to save her was still raging. That even though she was here, with them, that they still may loose her if they couldn't convince her of how important she was to them all. How much that they all loved her.

How much he loved her.

Needed her.

"Please baby, don't shut me out."

Olivia froze as she heard him.

Baby?

Had he really said that?

"Liv?" Elliot asked when he saw her freeze. "Liv?"

"Baby?"

Elliot gave himself a mental head slap as he realised what he'd said. She didn't need that on top of everything that she was trying to cope with already. God knew what Cathy had said to her while she was being held. He looked at his watch again and grimaced. Then nodded to her.

"Sorry, it slipped out, I didn't mean to scare you Liv." He reached over to gently hold her hand. He needed some contact with her, to reassure himself that she was really still there that this wasn't some dream, or at times nightmare.

She shook her head as she processed this latest piece of information. Then she noticed that he was looking at his watch.

"You don't need to stay here El, if you need to be somewhere go, I'll be ok."

He eased himself onto the side of her bed so that he could face her, still holding her hand.

"I'd like to stay, but the kids have decided to go back to school today for a couple of hours, sort of easing themselves back into it. Their friends have been calling them all asking when they were coming back. The only time the phones not ringing is when someone's talking on the damn thing."

Olivia laughed at the face he was pulling, and knew that he was trying to ease the tension a little. But he'd always been able to make her smile, to forget what it was that was troubling her.

"I bet." She squeezed his hand, trying to show him that she was fine, even if she wanted nothing more than to just curl up in his arms and hide away from the world and her memories.

"I said I'd stay with the twins for a while just in case they need me." They had been so scared since this had happened that they didn't like not knowing exactly where Elliot was or how Olivia was doing. They were scared that if they didn't know then they'd loose them both as well. Dickie and Lizzie had both spent a lot of time at the hospital with him while they all waited, and had insisted on visiting Olivia at least once a day since she'd woken up. More if they could wheedle it with which ever adult happened to be taking care of them at the time. But he'd made sure that they knew how much he loved them, and that he wasn't going anywhere, and in turn they had tried to show Olivia the same. Again pride of his children swelled in his chest. God he was lucky. "If you think you'll be up to it I know the kids want to drop in after school and say hi, see for themselves that you're doing ok."

"Sure, only if they want to, I don't want them to feel that they have to come and see me."

"Hey, that's enough of that." Elliot said as he forced her to look at him, she'd looked away as if she was scared of what he'd say. God he wished again that he'd been able to stop this from happening. Or of at least knowing what Cathy had said to her. "Do you know how hard it is for me to keep them all away from here? If I'd let them they'd all be here 24/7, along with everyone else."

"Liar" she said softly.

He knew that she hadn't meant him to hear but he had, and he pulled her into a hug, burying his face in her hair.

"You have no idea how scared we have all been about you. All of us, not just me and the kids. You so much to more people than you know. When we got the call saying that something had happened do you know who we were worried about?"

Olivia shook her head as she felt the tears fall again.

"We were worried about you." Elliot said as he held her, soothed her as she cried again. "All of us, it was the kids that suggested that you were in danger when we got the call that something had happened at the house. It was you that we were all scared for. You Olivia, not Cathy, you. The first thought that any of us had was for your safety, and we are all so sorry that we weren't able to stop this from happening, that we weren't fast enough to stop you from getting hurt by the crap that was happening in our lives. You were an innocent bystander Liv."

"No." Olivia sobbed into him, denying what he was saying but at the same time needing to believe what he was saying to her, hoping that he wouldn't lie to her.

"Did you know the reason that the kids wanted me to take them away for the weekend?" He waited till he felt her shake her head in response. "They wanted to ask if they could live with me. They didn't want to live with Cathy anymore Liv. They couldn't live with her anymore, the way that she had been acting, she had made it impossible to live with her any more. The constant mood swings, the way that she would interrogate them when they went out after school or on weekends."

She stilled as she listened to Elliot. The tears still flowing, but now they were not all for her, now she also cried for the hell that they had all been living through.

"The kids hadn't told me everything that had been going on when I saw them. They hadn't wanted to make things worse, but they had gotten to the point where they couldn't take it anymore. They never knew what kind of mood Cathy would be in when they got home, or what would set her off. The final straw for the kids was when she hit Lizzie hard enough to leave a bruise."

Olivia gasped.

"Remember the phone call I got from Maureen that Friday morning? Apparently Cathy had been telling the kids what they could and couldn't do on their weekend with me. When Lizzie had said that she couldn't wait for me to pick them up that evening Cathy lost it and had hit her. Maureen had been about to leave for school so she had gathered the other three up and asked her friend to drop them all at school. Maureen was afraid of leaving the rest of them in the house with their mother."

"So when we got the call, the first thing we were all worried about was you Liv. Only you, not Cathy."

Olivia felt overwhelmed by the emotions that swamped her.

"So never doubt that any of us care about you, we all love you Olivia Benson, and I don't know what we'd do if we lost you."


	8. Chapter 8

**OK sorry about the delay in updating this story again, but I keep getting stuck...I have future plans/sequals that keep invading and delaying the finishing of this part of the story. This story is getting near the end, but as you can probably guess there is a strong chance of a sequel, if there is enough demand for it.**

**Thanks to all those who have reviewed, and for those who I haven't replied to personally I'm sorry, but your reviews make my day 0)**

**Oh yeah and one more thing, thanks for all the great fic that has been posted recently, your great stories are another reason why this update has been so slow in coming...keep up the great work everyone!**

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God she was tired.

She was also annoyed that it still took so little to tire her out, her doctors seemed to be happy with her progress, they were even letting her go home the next day. Well maybe not her home, they were only letting her go if she had someone to stay with her. She had been so disappointed when she had heard that, but Elliot had spoken up without any hesitation saying that she would be staying with him.

She couldn't wait to blow this hospital, even though she was still so weak, but she felt a little funny about staying with Elliot. No matter how many times he told her that she wasn't to blame for Cathy's death she couldn't stop worrying that one day soon he would blame her. That he'd realise that it was because of her that he no longer had a wife, ok they were divorced, but she knew that he still loved her, she had given him four amazing children. That had to count for something.

What had she given him?

But she couldn't loose him.

Not now.

Not ever.

After everything that she had to survive and deal with in her life, Elliot hating her would be the one thing she didn't think that she could get over.

She opened her eyes and eased herself into a more comfortable position when she heard the door to her room open, Elliot had said that he'd be back this evening, and she wasn't expecting anyone else this early.

"Would you mind if we came in Olivia?"

She looked at the woman and couldn't hide the shock she felt, this woman had to have been Cathy's mother. The resemblance between the two woman was amazing. Fear welled up as realisation set in about who she was. She nervously looked around the room.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come. I'll leave you alone." The woman sighed and started to leave.

"Stay…" Olivia had spoken so quietly that she wasn't even sure that the other woman had heard her until she stopped with her hand on the door handle. "Stay."

"Are you sure?"

Olivia nodded. Now that Cathy's mother was here she wanted to get this, whatever it was, over.

Olivia watched as she walked over to the bed and sat nervously in the chair that was there.

"I suppose your wondering who I am? My name's Sandy Carmichael, I'm Cathy's mother." She paused to take a breath to steady her a little, "I've wanted to come and see you everyday since you woke up, but when Elliot told us that you didn't remember what had happened my husband and I, along with Elliot's parent decided that it would be better for now if we just stayed away, at least until you remembered what had happened."

"I'm so s-sorry…." Olivia felt a tear slip down her cheek. She wasn't sure what to say to this person.

Sandy saw the distress that was building in Olivia and reached out to take her hand, this had been the last thing that she had wanted to happen.

"You have nothing to be sorry about dear. If anyone should be saying that they are sorry it should be us, we could see that something wasn't right, but none of us did anything to help her, and you were the one to have to pay for that."

Olivia shook her head. She couldn't believe tha she was hearing this, again, and from Cathy's mother.

"You had us all so worried. You probably don't know this but while you were in the coma you were never alone, between Elliot and our families and your own family there was always at least one person with you, waiting, making sure that you didn't wake up alone."

"My family?" Olivia wondered aloud.

Sandy nodded, "Don, Elliot, John and Fin. I've had the privilege of watching they way that they are around each other and you. Elliot told me a little about you one night when it was just the two of us here with you. He told me a little about your mother and your life when you were younger. My heart broke for you again that night. But then I saw how much the others care about you, and the love that shone in Elliot's eyes as he told me stories of times that the two of you spent together. I've also seen how much my grandchildren love you."

"Why?" Olivia whispered.

"They love you, you've been a big part of their life. I never understood why my daughter didn't see you as the wonderful person that you are. You've only ever done what you thought was best for Elliot and his family, even I can see that and I didn't even get to meet you before this terrible tragedy happened."

Olivia shook her head. "Why did you come and see me before. Why don't you blame me for your daughters death?" Olivia asked, god she was tired, and she was working to try and make sense of this. "Cathy believed that I was the reason that everything had gone so wrong in her life, if she believed it why don't you. Hell even my mother blamed me for everything that happened in her life."

Sandy felt her heart breaking again for the woman who was crumbling before her eyes. She stood and reached out and gathered Olivia into a warm hug and tried to ease the pain that she felt partially responsible for.

"Sandy?"

Sandy looked over to the door, she'd been so caught up in her own thoughts and comforting Olivia that she hadn't heard Elliot enter the room. She looked at her son in law and felt a sheepish grin make it's way over her face. She felt Olivia pull away and wipe her eyes. She found herself wishing that Olivia was her own daughter, she would have been proud to call her her daughter. As much as she had loved Cathy she had always been a little troubled, she had hoped that her daughters marriage to Elliot would be her saving grace, even if she felt at the time that Cathy may have tricked Elliot into marrying her, and for a while Cathy had flourished, led a full and wonderful life. But in the end her own unbalanced nature had won out, and Sandy couldn't help but wonder if there was something else that she could have done, some help that she could have gotten for her daughter. But she had never been able to convince anyone else that there was anything wrong.

Until it had been to late.

Until everyone had been able to see just how damaged her daughter had been.

And now all she could do was to try and help pick up the pieces of the lives that her daughter had shattered

"Hi honey."

"Is everything ok?" Elliot asked as he made his way over to Olivia's bed. He wanted to hold her, but at the same time he didn't want to put any pressure on her. God he loved her, and he wished that he had been able to tell her just how much he loved her before this happened. Now he had to wait, she had enough to sort through without having the extra pressure of dealing with his feelings for her. He settled for reaching out and gently caressing her shoulder, something he had done many times before. "Are you ok Liv?"

Olivia sniffled and nodded. "Yeah, everythings find El, you know me I'm just emotional at the moment."

Elliot felt himself relax a little now that he knew that nothing bad had happened.

"I just wanted to visit Olivia before she goes home tomorrow." Sandy explained when she saw Elliot's curious gaze, then she turned her attention back to Olivia. She reached for Olivia's hand again before she continued. "I know your staying with El and the kids when you get out of here, and I just wanted to tell you that my husband and our other children and I have talked about this and agree that we'll stay away from the house while you're there dear, you've been through so much and we understand that seeing us around may be hard for you and the last thing that we want to do is make things harder for you."

Olivia was shocked at what Sandy was saying.

"I can't ask you to do that!" Olivia exclaimed, when the doctors had told her that they would release her, but only if she had someone to stay with, she had never dreamed that accepting Elliot's offer would cause this, "Elliot and the kids are your family! Families need to stick together, please don't let me be the thing that tears your family apart!"

"Liv, calm down, please," Elliot tried when he saw how upset she was becoming, he gently held her face in his hands, making her look him in the eye, "It's ok Liv, no one is going to tear this family apart. It's ok."

Olivia shook her head and pulled away from him.

"Please don't do that, if you don't want me to be around them I'll find someone else to stay with, or I'll stay here till I can go home alone, but don't stay away from your family because of me."

Sandy was shocked at the strong reaction that Olivia had had to her suggestion, she had talked with her children and husband and they had been more concerned with causing Olivia distress than reorganising themselves to see Elliot and his kids, in all the different reactions that they thought she may have to them, this one had not even occurred to any of them.

"Please El, tell her that I don't have to stay with you, I can go somewhere else, your family don't need to stay away because of me"

Elliot was becoming concerned, if she didn't calm down and soon then she'd start setting alarms off, he could see her heart rate spiking on the monitor next to her bed, and her blood pressure was going through the roof. He quickly gathered her up and into his arms and tried to sooth her, calm her down.

"Shhh Liv, it's going to be ok, come on breathe for me."

Sandy reached over and tried to help calm Olivia down, she hadn't expected this reaction, but the mother in her took over. "I'm sorry Olivia, I didn't mean to upset you."

Olivia couldn't believe that these people, people who hardly knew her, who she'd only met briefly in the past, were willing to do something like that for her, how could they be willing to do that for someone they barely knew. She pleaded with Elliot to let her change their plans, she pleaded with him to let her stay here instead of imposing on him that way, she offered to find someone else to stay with when her offer of staying in the hospital was shot down by both of them, she'd do anything to stop Sandy and her family separating themselves from Elliot and her kids. One thing she had learned at a young age was that if you had a loving family you don't give it up for anyone or anything.

Eventually they calmed Olivia down enough to assure her that she wouldn't be coming between the family, and once she had calmed down again her exhaustion quickly over took her again.

"I'm sorry," Olivia murmured, "I'm sorry…."

"Shhh, it's ok Liv, you don't have anything to be sorry about, it's ok, go to sleep," Elliot whispered into her ear as he gently stroked her hair, his heart swelled with love, pain, and pride for Olivia, and also his mother in law, and once again he realised just how lucky he was to have such a wonderful family and partner.

Sandy sat on the other side of the bed and held Olivia's other hand and gently soothed her until she was sure that Olivia was sleeping soundly. She stood and placed a gentle kiss on Olivia's forehead and then moved back.

"I'd better get going," she spoke quietly, not wanting to wake Olivia from her much needed sleep. "I still have a few things to collect for you for tomorrow, and I guess I'd better tell the others about this."

Elliot walked Sandy to the door and then stopped.

"Thank you." He said as he pulled his mother in law into a hug. "I don't think I've told you that enough lately."

Sandy hugged him back and struggled to hold back her tears.

"I'm sorry sweat heart, I didn't mean to cause any problems. I just wanted to see her before she was released, let her know that we don't blame her for what happened. Hell I feel partly responsible for her being here in the first place. We just thought that it might be easier for Olivia if she didn't have to see us."

"I know, and I appreciate it."

Sandy pulled away from him and wiped her eyes.

"Ok well enough of this mushy stuff, I have things to do. You stay here and I'll drop by your house and see if your parents need a break."

"Thanks, and I guess if I don't see you tonight I'll see you in the morning when I bring Liv home."

Sandy grinned, "I wouldn't dare not be there tomorrow. Try and get some sleep honey, you need to keep your strength up as well you know."

Elliot grinned and made his way back to Olivia's bedside and took his seat, and settled in for the night ahead.


End file.
